Merry Christmas!
It's weird to say (or type). It's also weird that it's practically over. It was a good Christmas. And I hope it's ok to be a little glad it's over. I'm ready for what's next. I'm not as sad as I usually am that the season is over. It's a relief this year.
I'm leaving for Urbana in less than two days. IT'S CRAZY! Time flew by and now it's here. I'm actually going. Urbana is a student mission's conference held once every 3 years, and this year it's in St. Louis. I'm going as part of JMU InterVarsity. I don't really know anyone else going, except for a select few, but I think I prefer it that way. It worked pretty well for New Orleans, so I'm hoping it will be ok for St. Louis too.
I love that I'm doing this. I love that I'm devoting the 5 days before the New Year completely to God. To learn. To be filled. To discern. To challenge myself. To do something reckless. To bring in the New Year worshiping God with 20,000 other passionate people.
I'm doing something that I feel called to do. And something that I want to do, which is always a plus. Sometimes I feel called to do things I don't really want to do, but this isn't one of those things. Maybe it's a little gift from God. But this conference is something I've really looked forward to. Something not school related. Something that I'm extremely interested in. And something I could potentially be doing the rest of my life, if God wills it. Missions. I love 'em.
This break has been a challenge. It has stretched and wrung out my heart a few times. A few times more than I liked. Two funerals, Sandy Hook, Whiskers, my neighbors dog Roxanne, nursing home visits, my grandparents spending Christmas in the hospital in Iowa, the list goes on. So much sorrow. Loss. Pain.
I feel torn. I know I'm incredibly blessed beyond measure. I have food, clothes, a roof over my head, two parents that love me. But my heart continued to hurt despite all the blessings in my life. For a good few days. Pretty much up until Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve. It's a busy night for us. We usually go to my dad's church service at 7 and then I sing in the choir at my church at 10 for the candlelight service. But I love it. Both services were filled with carols and readings and great messages. But what gets me every time, is the candlelight. Each service ends with lighting the candles and singing Silent Night.
And it's beautiful. And I get to have both perspectives. At dad's service, I'm a member of the congregation. At my church, I get to look out at the congregation from the choir loft. Now that's a sight to behold. I'm not sure how to describe it really. To see hundreds of candles in the air before you. It looks like they're floating. Like they go on forever.
And singing...silent night, holy night. All is calm.
It truly is calm. In those moments. Once a year. It takes my breath away. I think everyone should join the choir just so that they can see what I see on Christmas Eve at 11:00 p.m.
And I forget that a few short hours earlier I was rushing around trying to get ready. Trying to wrap presents at the last minute. Not knowing what I was going to wear. It didn't matter. Because for those moments, the busyness stops. And it's a silent night.
It doesn't last long. Soon everyone is scurrying around trying to find their family. And soon we're back to getting annoyed at each other over something. Such is life. I only get a few of those moments, and I truly cherish them. But it lifted my spirits. Enough to enjoy Christmas, that is. I loved all the gifts I got, and I loved watching my parents open their gifts even more. Being away at school gave me the chance to pick some things up from the JMU bookstore to surprise them with. Which was fun for me. I think they liked them too. It was a good relaxing day. We watched Shadowlands and The Dark Knight Rises. Both excellent films.
And now it's over. I'm neither happy nor sad. Just contented. It is what it is. This Christmas wasn't during the best time, circumstances or events. But it still happened. It came anyway, even when I didn't want it. But that's life. And I got to spend it with my parents. I couldn't ask for anything else better.
Now my to-do list is a mile long and it's making me somewhat anxious. Tomorrow will be pretty busy trying to pack and get everything ready to leave for Thursday. I'm usually a great traveler, but it makes me a little uneasy to fly to St. Louis and figure out how to get to the hotel and check in and get to the conference by myself. And I've never been to this city before. I know I'll meet up with people once I get there, but the process of not knowing how I'll exactly get there can make me nervous.
And how funny is that, because that's how life works. I know it'll all turn out ok in the end, I'm just not sure about the details. And how great is it that I've never been to St. Louis before, and in life I never really know what to expect ...ok I'm just trying to say positive things hoping that I can make myself believe them. Trying to calm down my nerves.
I'm actually so in awe of God right now. At this time in my life. I heard about Urbana at a large group one Friday night. I'm not sure what it was, but I was drawn to it. I felt like I should be there. I really wanted to be there. I wasn't sure why or exactly how, but I think God wanted me to go. And then I saw the price tag. It's not a cheap trip. The cost of the conference, travel, food, hotel etc. I didn't have that kind of money lying around. But still, I felt this tug on my heart. Pushing me. So I signed up for the conference and paid the small deposit. Not knowing how exactly I was going to pay for the rest of it. And what do you know, God has provided every last penny for this trip. From church donations, family and friends, and Christmas money. He has completely covered me. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong, but if that's not a sign I'm supposed to go, I don't know what is.
~God, please calm my anxious heart. Let me be anxious about nothing. Let me turn my eyes and my heart to You. Especially these next few days leading up to 2013. Let me hear Your voice and make clear to me what I should do or need to be doing this next year. You have provided everything for me. You've gotten me this far, I know you can get me to the conference itself. There's no need for me to worry. You have this handled. I trust You. And please forgive me for not doing that enough. In the busyness, I don't want to lose sight of You. The whole reason I'm doing this. I love you so much God. Thank you for giving me life through Your Son. Happy Birthday to Him, to You! Let my life be a gift to You, it's the most valuable thing I have. And it's Yours. All Yours.~
Silent Night (Lord Of My Life) by Lady Antebellum
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
I Love You Whiskers
This is the hardest blog I've had to write yet.
I lost my sweet baby girl today. My head hurts. My heart hurts. And my eyes hurt from crying. Everything hurts.
Why is this happening right now? Why at this time of year? Why with everything else going on?
All questions I don't have answers to. And I probably never will.
She went in for surgery this morning. She hadn't been eating or acting herself at all. The vet found cancer all throughout her body. They said it was better to just not wake her up. It would only cause her pain and there was no way to treat it. She probably would have never recovered from the surgery.
She drifted off painlessly, peacefully and in dream land. That's what I wanted for her. I'd never want her to be in pain. I completely trust the vet's judgment and I know they did what was right. I'm just being selfish, wanting to spend more time with her.
I still remember bringing her home when I was 5 years old. She was the cutest thing that could be.
And she had the sweetest, prettiest face I'd ever seen.
I remember I named her Whiskers because whenever she would get really close to my face, her whiskers tickled. She was such a lover, always so sociable and loved being around people. Whenever she'd snuggle on the couch or in my bed with me, she always had the be right in the middle. Wanting to be the center of attention. My little princess.
It never took her too long to make herself comfortable. I loved that about her. She'd just plop down anywhere.
We had 14 years together. It's hard to believe. It went by so fast.
She's been there with me through everything. As I was growing up, she was growing older. After a long or trying day, she was home to welcome me. And when I felt like everything was going horribly, I came home to her unconditional love.
She's always been so helpful with my studies and schoolwork. I really can't appreciate it enough haha. But when she wanted attention, she wanted attention. Quite the little diva. I loved it.
She's just so pretty.
Losing a pet is so difficult. But losing Whiskers didn't feel like losing a pet. It felt like losing a friend. A best friend. She was part of the family. A true gem. My baby girl.
It almost broke my heart freshman year at JMU to leave her behind at home. Maybe this is silly, but I really felt worse about leaving her home than about leaving my parents. My parents understand. They know I have to go to college. She didn't. All she knew is one day I was there, and the next I wasn't. I wish I could've spent more time with her the past two years. It's just too hard being away at school all the time. But I know my parents gave her the extra loving that I couldn't. And I can't thank them enough for that.
It's a grieving process. I'm fine one minute, and the next minute I'm in tears. It comes and it goes. And I'm still trying to get used to not seeing her. I keep expecting to see her standing in my doorway or curled up at the foot of my bed. I've already caught myself a few times thinking I hear her. Her soft feet on the stairs.
And that's what hurts the most. The split second of forgetting. Then remembering.
This is how I found her one day this week when I came home. Curled up snug as a bug on my bed. This was so typical. She was so sweet and peaceful. And that's how I'll remember her. She doesn't have cancer now. And she's not in pain now.
I took this picture last night. The night before her surgery. I'm not sure why, but I felt like I should finish decorating the tree last night. It's been a struggle to get decorating done this year with everything going on. But I came home and I felt like I should decorate. So I did. I finished the tree (with her help supervising of course) and she got to see it for at least one night. She's always loved the tree. Laying under it and playing with the ornaments. I'm glad she could see it for a short time this year.
It's going to be a blue Christmas this year. Two funerals within two days. The Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. And now my Whiskers.
God, I don't know what you're doing. But whatever it is, it really hurts.
I lost my sweet baby girl today. My head hurts. My heart hurts. And my eyes hurt from crying. Everything hurts.
Why is this happening right now? Why at this time of year? Why with everything else going on?
All questions I don't have answers to. And I probably never will.
She went in for surgery this morning. She hadn't been eating or acting herself at all. The vet found cancer all throughout her body. They said it was better to just not wake her up. It would only cause her pain and there was no way to treat it. She probably would have never recovered from the surgery.
She drifted off painlessly, peacefully and in dream land. That's what I wanted for her. I'd never want her to be in pain. I completely trust the vet's judgment and I know they did what was right. I'm just being selfish, wanting to spend more time with her.
I still remember bringing her home when I was 5 years old. She was the cutest thing that could be.
Losing a pet is so difficult. But losing Whiskers didn't feel like losing a pet. It felt like losing a friend. A best friend. She was part of the family. A true gem. My baby girl.
It almost broke my heart freshman year at JMU to leave her behind at home. Maybe this is silly, but I really felt worse about leaving her home than about leaving my parents. My parents understand. They know I have to go to college. She didn't. All she knew is one day I was there, and the next I wasn't. I wish I could've spent more time with her the past two years. It's just too hard being away at school all the time. But I know my parents gave her the extra loving that I couldn't. And I can't thank them enough for that.
It's a grieving process. I'm fine one minute, and the next minute I'm in tears. It comes and it goes. And I'm still trying to get used to not seeing her. I keep expecting to see her standing in my doorway or curled up at the foot of my bed. I've already caught myself a few times thinking I hear her. Her soft feet on the stairs.
And that's what hurts the most. The split second of forgetting. Then remembering.
It's going to be a blue Christmas this year. Two funerals within two days. The Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. And now my Whiskers.
God, I don't know what you're doing. But whatever it is, it really hurts.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
My Heart Hurts
Plain and simple. I don't really know how else to describe it. My heart just...hurts. It aches. It's been pulled around and dragged through a lot recently. And this time of year doesn't make it any easier.
I found out this week one of my mom's patients died. They thought she would have a few more months, but she only had a few more days. Also, a family friend's mother died this week. And the Newtown tragedy happened on Friday. 27 lives were taken, 20 of them elementary school aged children.
Two funerals within two days. News channels that keep showing the faces of those angel children. It's heavy. Very heavy. And I can't pretend it's easy, because it's not. It's heartbreaking. It's not fair. I'm trying not to be angry. Frustrated. Bitter. That's easy. Giving it over to God is hard.
I came home so excited for Christmas. I was excited to decorate, do the traditional things, go see the lights, get the tree etc. But the past few days have been tough. I haven't wanted any of it. I haven't even wanted to look at decorations, let alone put them up.
Saturday morning I had choir rehearsal bright and early. It was for our Lessons & Carols service. We sing about 12 songs to portray the story of Jesus along with readers to tell the story each year. And we're joined by members of the Virginia Symphony Orchestra, which is always incredible. I've been part of this special service since high school when I joined the choir and I usually look forward to it each year.
I'm not going to lie, I was only about halfway excited. I wanted to sing, but I wasn't as excited as I normally am.
How was I supposed to be happy and joyous while singing when so much sorrow and despair is going on?
After a long, but good rehearsal our music director, Ms. Billye, held the choir back for a bit after the orchestra had left. She told us that we have a special opportunity. She told us that we are the sermon. She said that it was up to us to bring joy to people in the congregation who maybe desperately need it right now. We have this opportunity, and we're going to use it.
Wow. It's up to me? I'm supposed to bring joy to people, even when I'm hurting so much inside? How am I supposed to do that?
I laid in bed Saturday night trying to sleep. And I couldn't. So I asked God to bring me peace. To bring me strength. And to bring me joy. Because I didn't have any. And I started to cry until I fell asleep. I felt so out of control.
I know there were a few times during the services I wanted to cry. And I know there were a few members of the choir that didn't get through the services without crying. But we sang. We sang with everything we had, at least I know I did. Because the congregation deserved that. They deserved a service full of beautiful music to lift them up. And how beautiful was it that this was the "year of youth"? We had all youth readers, along with the youth minister, and a large youth ensemble that sang with the choir. In light of Friday's tragedy, I think it gave people hope to see the youth so involved in the service.
And somehow, God gave me joy for those services. When I was singing, I noticed I was genuinely happy. And I wanted to smile. And there's no way that happened on my own. Because if I had it my way, I'd still be laying in bed under the covers trying to forget about everything going on in the world.
Because that's what I do. I try to avoid things. Especially things that hurt. But God didn't let me do that this time. He didn't let me hide, like I wanted to. And I can't thank Him enough for not giving me what I wanted. Because to see the faces of my fellow choir members, youth ensemble, music director, organist and congregation... I wouldn't trade it for anything. I sang for over 1,200 people today. And if one person left feeling just a little bit better about their life and whatever is going on in their life, then I am more than blessed to be a small part of that.
Music truly is an incredible balm for the soul. I know it soothes me when I need it most. Especially after the tragic events of this week. I was listening to the Josh Groban Christmas CD while decorating the tree today. This song in particular stood out to me, and what I've been feeling the past few days. It's not really a Christmas song, it's just a good life song. It helped me put things in perspective.
Thankful by Josh Groban
The whole song has beautiful lyrics. I'm in love with it. The chorus really stood out to me. It says:
~So tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for~
There's so much pain. So much sorrow. And as much as I want to curl up in a ball and pretend it's not happening, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be thankful. At least I'm going to try. And I know it's going to be really hard. And I'm going to make mistakes. And I know I'm going to say things I don't mean, accidentally lash out, get frustrated. But I'm counting on Him and His grace to get me through. And I hope I can still have a good Christmas.
I think a part of me feels guilty. I feel guilty for trying to have a good Christmas. There's so many people and families out there who won't. The ones who have a family member or friend deployed overseas. The families going through a divorce or separation. Families who have lost a mother, father, husband, wife, child, sister, brother. The kids who went to school one day. The parents who kissed them goodbye. They didn't know it would be the last time. They don't deserve this. Who am I to have a good Christmas? How can I? Will those families be able to? I don't know how. If they can, they are much stronger people that I am. My heart is completely broken for them.
I'm not saying I'm not thankful. I'm thankful for my life. For the people in it. It's just hard. I'm trying to focus on the good more than the bad. And hopefully with time it will get easier...I can only hope. I know the children lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School will be having the best Christmas of all because they get to spend it with Jesus.
To end, I came across the poem Christmas Bells by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It kind of took me by surprise. I've always liked Longfellow, but I think I like him even more now. It's also a song, apparently. I learn something new every day! Here's my favorite part:
"And in despair I bowed my head;
'There is no peace on earth,' I said;
'For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!'
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men.'"
What a comfort to know that even in 1864, Longfellow doubted peace on earth just as I have 148 years later. And yet, what a comfort that he knew God will prevail over all the evil then, just as He will now. Shame on me for forgetting that.
Even though my heart hurts, it's in His hands. And I know He'll take good care of it.
~With peace on earth, good-will to men~
I found out this week one of my mom's patients died. They thought she would have a few more months, but she only had a few more days. Also, a family friend's mother died this week. And the Newtown tragedy happened on Friday. 27 lives were taken, 20 of them elementary school aged children.
Two funerals within two days. News channels that keep showing the faces of those angel children. It's heavy. Very heavy. And I can't pretend it's easy, because it's not. It's heartbreaking. It's not fair. I'm trying not to be angry. Frustrated. Bitter. That's easy. Giving it over to God is hard.
I came home so excited for Christmas. I was excited to decorate, do the traditional things, go see the lights, get the tree etc. But the past few days have been tough. I haven't wanted any of it. I haven't even wanted to look at decorations, let alone put them up.
Saturday morning I had choir rehearsal bright and early. It was for our Lessons & Carols service. We sing about 12 songs to portray the story of Jesus along with readers to tell the story each year. And we're joined by members of the Virginia Symphony Orchestra, which is always incredible. I've been part of this special service since high school when I joined the choir and I usually look forward to it each year.
I'm not going to lie, I was only about halfway excited. I wanted to sing, but I wasn't as excited as I normally am.
How was I supposed to be happy and joyous while singing when so much sorrow and despair is going on?
After a long, but good rehearsal our music director, Ms. Billye, held the choir back for a bit after the orchestra had left. She told us that we have a special opportunity. She told us that we are the sermon. She said that it was up to us to bring joy to people in the congregation who maybe desperately need it right now. We have this opportunity, and we're going to use it.
Wow. It's up to me? I'm supposed to bring joy to people, even when I'm hurting so much inside? How am I supposed to do that?
I laid in bed Saturday night trying to sleep. And I couldn't. So I asked God to bring me peace. To bring me strength. And to bring me joy. Because I didn't have any. And I started to cry until I fell asleep. I felt so out of control.
I know there were a few times during the services I wanted to cry. And I know there were a few members of the choir that didn't get through the services without crying. But we sang. We sang with everything we had, at least I know I did. Because the congregation deserved that. They deserved a service full of beautiful music to lift them up. And how beautiful was it that this was the "year of youth"? We had all youth readers, along with the youth minister, and a large youth ensemble that sang with the choir. In light of Friday's tragedy, I think it gave people hope to see the youth so involved in the service.
And somehow, God gave me joy for those services. When I was singing, I noticed I was genuinely happy. And I wanted to smile. And there's no way that happened on my own. Because if I had it my way, I'd still be laying in bed under the covers trying to forget about everything going on in the world.
Because that's what I do. I try to avoid things. Especially things that hurt. But God didn't let me do that this time. He didn't let me hide, like I wanted to. And I can't thank Him enough for not giving me what I wanted. Because to see the faces of my fellow choir members, youth ensemble, music director, organist and congregation... I wouldn't trade it for anything. I sang for over 1,200 people today. And if one person left feeling just a little bit better about their life and whatever is going on in their life, then I am more than blessed to be a small part of that.
Music truly is an incredible balm for the soul. I know it soothes me when I need it most. Especially after the tragic events of this week. I was listening to the Josh Groban Christmas CD while decorating the tree today. This song in particular stood out to me, and what I've been feeling the past few days. It's not really a Christmas song, it's just a good life song. It helped me put things in perspective.
Thankful by Josh Groban
The whole song has beautiful lyrics. I'm in love with it. The chorus really stood out to me. It says:
~So tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for~
There's so much pain. So much sorrow. And as much as I want to curl up in a ball and pretend it's not happening, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be thankful. At least I'm going to try. And I know it's going to be really hard. And I'm going to make mistakes. And I know I'm going to say things I don't mean, accidentally lash out, get frustrated. But I'm counting on Him and His grace to get me through. And I hope I can still have a good Christmas.
I think a part of me feels guilty. I feel guilty for trying to have a good Christmas. There's so many people and families out there who won't. The ones who have a family member or friend deployed overseas. The families going through a divorce or separation. Families who have lost a mother, father, husband, wife, child, sister, brother. The kids who went to school one day. The parents who kissed them goodbye. They didn't know it would be the last time. They don't deserve this. Who am I to have a good Christmas? How can I? Will those families be able to? I don't know how. If they can, they are much stronger people that I am. My heart is completely broken for them.
I'm not saying I'm not thankful. I'm thankful for my life. For the people in it. It's just hard. I'm trying to focus on the good more than the bad. And hopefully with time it will get easier...I can only hope. I know the children lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School will be having the best Christmas of all because they get to spend it with Jesus.
To end, I came across the poem Christmas Bells by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It kind of took me by surprise. I've always liked Longfellow, but I think I like him even more now. It's also a song, apparently. I learn something new every day! Here's my favorite part:
"And in despair I bowed my head;
'There is no peace on earth,' I said;
'For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!'
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men.'"
What a comfort to know that even in 1864, Longfellow doubted peace on earth just as I have 148 years later. And yet, what a comfort that he knew God will prevail over all the evil then, just as He will now. Shame on me for forgetting that.
Even though my heart hurts, it's in His hands. And I know He'll take good care of it.
~With peace on earth, good-will to men~
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Looking on the Sunny Side
It's the weekend before finals. And I'm strangely calm. I'm not very stressed or sleep deprived like many other college students are about this time. I still have more studying to do. There's always studying to do. But I feel prepared. I feel calm. I feel at peace with this semester.
I came across this verse the other day and it has brought me a lot of peace during this trying week.
"Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You." Psalm 143:8 HCSB.
I've also been getting up earlier in the day and going to bed earlier. I usually get up early enough to see the sunrise. Maybe this sounds silly, but seeing the sun rise in the morning gives me a sense of hope in my heart. For those few quiet moments in the morning, everything is still. So still, that I feel like I'm the only one watching it. Even though I know I'm not. But it's like I'm getting my own little sneak peek from God to start the day, just for me.
I'm not usually a morning person. But I think I'm gradually starting to be one, thanks to sights like this.
Thursday evening I had a Christmas party with the lovely girls in my small group from InterVarsity. It was fun to relax and unwind with this great group of girls. We had a white elephant gift exchange and made hot chocolate - with a little something special added.
These are some of the best girls I know here at JMU. I've loved getting to know them this semester, and I can't wait for more time to grow deeper in our relationships. My awesome leaders are the ones with the Grinch shirt and the reindeer ears, naturally. They are such awesome people!
For a special treat, we made marshmallows covered in chocolate and peppermint to put in our hot chocolate. They were so fun and easy to make! It gave the hot chocolate the perfect hint of peppermint and a little extra chocolate. So yummy.
Friday night I went Christmas caroling with the Nursing Student Association. We went to Sunnyside Nursing Home which is part of the local community here in Harrisonburg. I don't think I could have spent my Friday night any way better. First of all, I just love singing. It makes me happy. And it's something I truly enjoy doing. Second of all, the faces of the residents when we told them we were going to sing for them made the evening priceless. I think it made their night as much as it made my night. Now, this was a bunch of nursing students. Not a choir of trained singers. We all shared a few copies of printed carols and winged it. We decided after each song which song we would sing next, and we even took requests. It didn't matter that we were terribly off key and completely unorganized. The residents loved it. The smiles on their faces and watching them sing along. It was basically the best study break I've ever had in my life.
We also got to sing in the Alzheimer's unit. I don't have a ton of experience with that population of people, but I do have some. One man in particular stood out to me. He asked us where we were from and what we were doing - we would respond JMU nursing majors. He would exclaim that was a great school and that his kids went there. Then he would ask if any of us were mathematicians, because that's what he used to do when he worked for the government. We replied no, only nursing majors. Then he would ask us again where we were from - we would reply JMU, and he would exclaim again what a great school it is, his kids went there. And so on. It made my heart hurt. But when we started singing, it seemed to brighten up the room.
When we sang in one hallway, residents kept wheeling up to gather around us in their wheelchairs. We would finish a song, thinking it would be the last one, and someone else would be wheeled up. So of course we couldn't stop there. We had to sing another song for the new audience member. Before we knew it, there was a small crowd in a hallway and we were repeating songs. It made them so happy. Honestly, I never wanted to stop. And the residents in the Alzheimer's unit, I noticed, even sang along. Even though they may not know their name or where they are, they knew the words to some Christmas carols. I thought that was truly magical. I'm so glad I could be a part of it.
Saturday afternoon we got a small group together to surprise one of our best friends, Abbie, at Buffalo Wild Wings. Her birthday isn't until next week, but with exams coming up we thought Saturday would work best for everyone. She was so surprised! We had some good food, good company, good football and really good cupcakes at the apartment afterward.
I'm glad we could all get together for a few hours. And these happen to be the girls I'll be living with in my apartment next year, which I can't even wait for!
Even though it's exam week, I'm so happy. Which is kind of strange for me. I think it's because I've been having the best kinds of study breaks, surrounded by friends and helping others. I've always been very serious about classes and grades. But life's too short to take it too seriously, and a good break every now and then is a wonderful thing. Instead of focusing on the bad going on (exams), I've decided to look on the sunny side. I'm surrounded by beautiful friends that I love dearly. And there's a lot of people out there who have it much worse than I do.
I've also been listening to a lot of music lately. More so than usual. Not sure why, but it's helping me get through finals, and music just makes me happy! Some of it's new, some of it's old. But I think I'll post my finals week playlist below. That way I can look back and see what music I was listening to during final exam week 2012. Music always helps me study, and it makes it ten times more enjoyable.
Fair warning - I like a lot of different types of music. So this has quite a bit of variety. Acoustic, Rock, Country, Instrumental, Alternative, the whole sha-bang.
And I didn't realize how many songs I had on this playlist until I actually made the list. Like I said, some of it's brand new, and some of it is old classics. So this is what I've been listening to lately. I might have to share music I'm listening to more often on the blog. Sometimes the songs I listen to say more about me than any words I can say about myself. As my good friend Tolstoy puts it "Music is the shorthand of emotion."
But here it is, my finals week playlist:
Far Away by Jose Gonzalez
Growing Up by Monsters Calling Home
Wanted (originally by Hunter Hayes) by Alex Goot and Julia Sheer
Tonight by JJ Heller
65 more years by Ron Pope
Ho Hey by The Lumineers
Skyfall (James Bond) by ADELE
Stars by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Hold on by Phillip Phillips
Between the Raindrops - Lifehouse
I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty
Better Be Home Soon by Crowded House
Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith
Grounds for Divorce by Elbow
Lonely Boy by The Black Keys
If You Ever Come Back by The Script
Somebody To Love by Queen
Untitled 1 by Sigur Ros
Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis
One of Those Nights by Tim McGraw
Cruise by Florida Georgia Line
Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain) by Gary Allan
Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson
Soon Enough by City and Colour
Let's go finals week. I'm ready for ya.
Saturday afternoon we got a small group together to surprise one of our best friends, Abbie, at Buffalo Wild Wings. Her birthday isn't until next week, but with exams coming up we thought Saturday would work best for everyone. She was so surprised! We had some good food, good company, good football and really good cupcakes at the apartment afterward.
Even though it's exam week, I'm so happy. Which is kind of strange for me. I think it's because I've been having the best kinds of study breaks, surrounded by friends and helping others. I've always been very serious about classes and grades. But life's too short to take it too seriously, and a good break every now and then is a wonderful thing. Instead of focusing on the bad going on (exams), I've decided to look on the sunny side. I'm surrounded by beautiful friends that I love dearly. And there's a lot of people out there who have it much worse than I do.
I've also been listening to a lot of music lately. More so than usual. Not sure why, but it's helping me get through finals, and music just makes me happy! Some of it's new, some of it's old. But I think I'll post my finals week playlist below. That way I can look back and see what music I was listening to during final exam week 2012. Music always helps me study, and it makes it ten times more enjoyable.
Fair warning - I like a lot of different types of music. So this has quite a bit of variety. Acoustic, Rock, Country, Instrumental, Alternative, the whole sha-bang.
And I didn't realize how many songs I had on this playlist until I actually made the list. Like I said, some of it's brand new, and some of it is old classics. So this is what I've been listening to lately. I might have to share music I'm listening to more often on the blog. Sometimes the songs I listen to say more about me than any words I can say about myself. As my good friend Tolstoy puts it "Music is the shorthand of emotion."
But here it is, my finals week playlist:
Far Away by Jose Gonzalez
Growing Up by Monsters Calling Home
Wanted (originally by Hunter Hayes) by Alex Goot and Julia Sheer
Tonight by JJ Heller
65 more years by Ron Pope
Ho Hey by The Lumineers
Skyfall (James Bond) by ADELE
Stars by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Hold on by Phillip Phillips
Between the Raindrops - Lifehouse
I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty
Better Be Home Soon by Crowded House
Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith
Grounds for Divorce by Elbow
Lonely Boy by The Black Keys
If You Ever Come Back by The Script
Somebody To Love by Queen
Untitled 1 by Sigur Ros
Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis
One of Those Nights by Tim McGraw
Cruise by Florida Georgia Line
Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain) by Gary Allan
Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson
Soon Enough by City and Colour
Let's go finals week. I'm ready for ya.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Jingle All The Way Home
I can't believe it's December already. And I can't believe my weekend at home is over so soon. I felt like I just got home then I had to leave again. Luckily I'll be home again in about 10 days to stay for a whole month!
This weekend at home was great. It was great to spend some time with my parents and my kitties. I hadn't been home in about a month since I didn't go home for Thanksgiving.
I missed her.
This one too.
I spent most of Friday studying at Starbucks with my mom. I probably didn't get as much studying done this weekend as I should have, but I'll just work extra hard this week to get ready for finals. I just enjoy being home too much, I never want to do any work.
Friday night we watched a movie called Safe House, starring Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington (two very talented actors that I love). It was a great movie, I'd definitely recommend it. Great plot, lots of action and character development. By the end I was rooting for the "bad guy" and I liked the subtle message. Beneath all the guns, explosions, shooting, and violence, the movie was saying to not blindly trust what people just tell you. And unlikely heroes may be lurking behind unexpected corners. And the bad guys in life may actually look like the good guys, and vice versa.
Saturday morning dad and I woke up bright and early to run the Jingle Jog 5k!
Complete with my brand new sparkly Packers santa hat. Not going to lie, the 5k was not my best. About 2 minutes into it, I felt pretty nauseous and sick. It definitely wasn't my best time. At all. But I had fun out there chugging along. And I finished! This race benefited YoungLife in Chesapeake, which is awesome. I went to Young Life in high school a few times and loved it. What they're doing for kids is great. Showing them the love of Jesus. And it's for kids that maybe got the wrong impression of religion and God growing up. It's showing them that God loves them no matter what. No matter their past, their present, their fears, their desires, their hurts. God is right there, passionately pursuing them. And I loved running for that, even though I felt sick. Totally worth it.
Saturday night I got to go see Mary Poppins The Musical at the Chrysler with my mom!
It was fantastic. I loved the musical. The singing and acting was wonderful. And I still have the "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" song stuck in my head. We had balcony seats, which were really neat. I loved being so high up and looking down on the play.
After the play they did this really cool thing. They asked the audience to donate money to this great organization called Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Wow. How crazy is that. I come back from a week in New Orleans, so passionate about this disease and the people who have it, and what cause is this Broadway show supporting. HIV/AIDS. Beautiful. My heart leaped for joy when I heard them say that. It reminded me I'm actually not the only one who cares about this. This whole Broadway company cares about this disease. And I loved seeing people throw their money in the red buckets on their way out. Even if it was only $1. That $1 was going to someone who desperately needed it and deserved it. My mom and I donated money too and we got to meet the actors who played Mary Poppins and Bert after the show. We even got a picture with them.
Best money we ever spent in my opinion. Getting to meet some awesome people and it went to a great cause. I loved it.
Sunday I got to go to Grand Illumination with my dad and the Elliott family, which was a real treat. Grand Illumination is one of my absolute favorite things. And Colonial Williamsburg is too. So to be able to go to that with my dad and my best friend was truly magical. And it never fails to disappoint with the fireworks.
They were spectacular this year. And every year.
And spending time with this girl sure wasn't bad either. I can't believe she turned 20 today! No longer a teenager, but forever young at heart. Happy Birthday Anna! I'm looking forward to hanging out some more over winter break in a few weeks!
This weekend went far too quickly for me. I learned a lot too. I was reminded how I like to be constantly doing something. Even when I should be relaxing. Maybe that's why I had such bad stomach issues Saturday afternoon. It forced me to just lay in bed and have some down time. As much as it annoyed me at the time, it was probably the best thing I could have possibly done.
I was also reminded of how small I am. I love when that happens. Sitting in the balcony watching Mary Poppins. Laying on a blanket stargazing before watching the fireworks in Williamsburg. Those are the best moments. Those are the moments worth living for. The moments of perfect contentment and smallness.
It reminds me of one of the songs in Mary Poppins:
Bert: "Best view in the world, eh? And who gets to see it? The birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps. Nothing to beat it, eh?
Now as the ladder of life has been strung, you may think a sweep's on the bottom-most rung. Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke, in this whole wide world there's no 'appier bloke.
Mary Poppins and Bert: Chim chiminy, chim chiminy, chim chim cheree. A sweep is as lucky, as lucky can be."
I was completely content in this weekend. But that doesn't mean it was easy. I had to deal with and learn about some difficult things this weekend. Hearing about my grandma who has breast cancer. Learning one of my mom's clients was diagnosed with cancer and only has one month to live. A family friend's father committing suicide over Thanksgiving. Sunday marked four years to the day that Lauren Vergara committed suicide.
This weekend was heavy.
It's easy to be discouraged. It's easy to be bitter. It's easy to push people away.
I'm definitely going to be cutting people some more slack this holiday season. This is absolutely, without a doubt, my favorite time of year. But a lot of people dread it. And I can understand that. It reminds people of loved ones, ones that are gone and ones that may be having their last Christmas this year.
Some of my fondest memories are from this time of year. But this time also hurts for a lot of people. So I'll be praying for the broken families, the families spending Christmas apart, the families remembering a loved one, and the families spending possibly their last Christmas all together. It hurts to think about. But it hurts because we're lucky and blessed enough to be alive.
Side note: I enjoyed going through old picture albums this weekend. I found this gem. Along with many others.
I'll be praying. A lot. Especially for my family. My parents. The two most important people in my life. They have a lot on their plates and their hearts. Especially during this beautiful yet difficult Christmas season. I'm glad to have them by my side in every season.
This weekend at home was great. It was great to spend some time with my parents and my kitties. I hadn't been home in about a month since I didn't go home for Thanksgiving.
I spent most of Friday studying at Starbucks with my mom. I probably didn't get as much studying done this weekend as I should have, but I'll just work extra hard this week to get ready for finals. I just enjoy being home too much, I never want to do any work.
Friday night we watched a movie called Safe House, starring Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington (two very talented actors that I love). It was a great movie, I'd definitely recommend it. Great plot, lots of action and character development. By the end I was rooting for the "bad guy" and I liked the subtle message. Beneath all the guns, explosions, shooting, and violence, the movie was saying to not blindly trust what people just tell you. And unlikely heroes may be lurking behind unexpected corners. And the bad guys in life may actually look like the good guys, and vice versa.
Saturday morning dad and I woke up bright and early to run the Jingle Jog 5k!
Saturday night I got to go see Mary Poppins The Musical at the Chrysler with my mom!
Sunday I got to go to Grand Illumination with my dad and the Elliott family, which was a real treat. Grand Illumination is one of my absolute favorite things. And Colonial Williamsburg is too. So to be able to go to that with my dad and my best friend was truly magical. And it never fails to disappoint with the fireworks.
This weekend went far too quickly for me. I learned a lot too. I was reminded how I like to be constantly doing something. Even when I should be relaxing. Maybe that's why I had such bad stomach issues Saturday afternoon. It forced me to just lay in bed and have some down time. As much as it annoyed me at the time, it was probably the best thing I could have possibly done.
I was also reminded of how small I am. I love when that happens. Sitting in the balcony watching Mary Poppins. Laying on a blanket stargazing before watching the fireworks in Williamsburg. Those are the best moments. Those are the moments worth living for. The moments of perfect contentment and smallness.
It reminds me of one of the songs in Mary Poppins:
Bert: "Best view in the world, eh? And who gets to see it? The birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps. Nothing to beat it, eh?
Now as the ladder of life has been strung, you may think a sweep's on the bottom-most rung. Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke, in this whole wide world there's no 'appier bloke.
Mary Poppins and Bert: Chim chiminy, chim chiminy, chim chim cheree. A sweep is as lucky, as lucky can be."
I was completely content in this weekend. But that doesn't mean it was easy. I had to deal with and learn about some difficult things this weekend. Hearing about my grandma who has breast cancer. Learning one of my mom's clients was diagnosed with cancer and only has one month to live. A family friend's father committing suicide over Thanksgiving. Sunday marked four years to the day that Lauren Vergara committed suicide.
This weekend was heavy.
It's easy to be discouraged. It's easy to be bitter. It's easy to push people away.
I'm definitely going to be cutting people some more slack this holiday season. This is absolutely, without a doubt, my favorite time of year. But a lot of people dread it. And I can understand that. It reminds people of loved ones, ones that are gone and ones that may be having their last Christmas this year.
Some of my fondest memories are from this time of year. But this time also hurts for a lot of people. So I'll be praying for the broken families, the families spending Christmas apart, the families remembering a loved one, and the families spending possibly their last Christmas all together. It hurts to think about. But it hurts because we're lucky and blessed enough to be alive.
Side note: I enjoyed going through old picture albums this weekend. I found this gem. Along with many others.
I'll be praying. A lot. Especially for my family. My parents. The two most important people in my life. They have a lot on their plates and their hearts. Especially during this beautiful yet difficult Christmas season. I'm glad to have them by my side in every season.
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