Running Toward Home

Some college kids avoid going home. Some try to go home as little as possible. Some only go home on breaks. 
That's so not me. 
I LOVE going home. I was able to go home this past weekend for the first time in almost 2 months, and it was so nice. I've been so busy with classes that I haven't been able to get home. 2 months really was too long. But boy was it great to be home, by the water and flat land. 
I missed my parents so much. It was wonderful being able to spend time with them. 
I missed my kitty too. I can't decide who I was more excited to see, my parents or my cat. I think it's a toss-up!

Some things never change, like her special spot on my bed.

 
 On Saturday I ran the Wicked 10k in Va Beach with my dad. I've been training for this race since the end of summer. It was so much fun to run and see everyone's costumes. I got a lot of comments on mine!

 It was also fun to run with my dad. We ran it together 2 years ago, but I was much more prepared physically this time. The only downside was the wind. It was very, very windy that morning because of hurricane Sandy coming in, especially down at the oceanfront. I know there was one point in the race, I think it was at mile 3, I turned to my dad and said "I don't think I can do this." The wind was almost too much for me to handle at times and I was getting so discouraged. I'd trained so much for this race, I knew I could run 6 miles in a decent time, and there I was struggling only halfway through. Dad assured me that we were doing this race for fun and we only needed to finish. But still, I couldn't believe this was happening. Then dad did this really cool thing. He ran directly in front of me to block the wind. He ran like that from about mile 3 to mile 4. Wow. I know I couldn't have finished as well as I did if he hadn't done that. I caught my second wind at mile 4 and I finished the last 2 miles much stronger than I began. 

Afterwards I got to thinking. I was thinking about what a beautiful metaphor that was for me. What dad did out on the course is exactly what Christ does for me. I didn't plan for severe wind on race day, I thought I had it all handled and was completely prepared. But I wasn't. And that's how life is most of the time. Most of the time I think I can handle things on my own. And most of the time I have to try and fail doing it on my own before I get the point. Christ has to go before me. Christ has to "block the wind" for me, if you will. When things get really tough and I finally say "I don't think I can do this" - that's where He is. That's where He goes before me and I just have to follow where He leads. Easier said than done, right?
Our final mile ended up being our fastest mile. And we finished!
We started out together... 

 ...and we finished together

 Overall it was a great race. I'm so glad we could do it together and that the weather held off. 10k done, half marathon here I come! 

Saturday evening I went to see Edgar Meyer perform with the Virginia Symphony with my mom. We had such a fun time. I absolutely love the Symphony, I'm a huge fan. They're like a bunch of machines that work perfectly together to create the most beautiful music. And I don't get to see them perform very often, so it was a nice treat. We got all dressed up and ended up going to Red Robin afterwards for milkshakes and fries.

Funny enough, it made me think of another beautiful metaphor. My mom went to the Symphony with me because she knows how much I love it. She wanted to do something I love to spend time with me. To spend time together. She wanted to talk to me about life. And that's what Christ wants from me as well. He wants to delight in me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants me to tell Him about my struggles and joys. It was a great reminder for me. 
This was before we left for the Symphony. I was excited for a second because I was taller, but it's only because I'm wearing heels!

There were a few things I forgot about home that caught me by surprise. I forgot how great it felt to wake up in my own bed. I love being at school and I love my apartment, but it's just not the same. I forgot how nice it is to wake up to coffee already made in the morning. And how my mom or dad offered to make me food. How we can all sit down and watch a movie together. Friday night we watched Hugo, which somehow I hadn't seen yet. But it was a great movie, gorgeous cinematography, beautiful music. I was completely entertained throughout the film. I didn't expect it to be as wonderful as it was, but I wish I'd seen it sooner! I'd definitely recommend it.
 
I was supposed to stay at home until Monday, but Hurricane Sandy called for a change of plans. Definitely disappointing. At least I know my parents are safe at home and I'm safe here at school. Nobody's out and about in treacherous weather. Just as well, Sunday night JMU canceled classes for Monday. So I definitely could have stayed home an extra day! But it couldn't be helped. I'm sure it's a blessing in disguise. And there's a blizzard warning for Harrisonburg now. So it's probably good that I'm already here and I don't have to travel anywhere.

All in all, I had the best weekend at home. My parents are so ridiculously supportive of me. I think I'm the luckiest kid alive. I think I could tell them I'm pulling a Steve Jobs and dropping out of school to invent something and they'd still be supportive of me. Okay...maybe not...but I know they'd still love me! But really, they've been so supportive of me going away to school, for being gone over Thanksgiving to go to New Orleans, for going to a missions conference over New Years, the list goes on. I know they want me to succeed and I know I have to work hard to do that. My dad works two jobs and my mom is going to school and working. They've honestly set the best example and are the best parents I could ever ask for. They've made so many sacrifices for me and I'm so appreciative of them. 

Here's a quote from Hugo that I loved that seemed appropriate for this time in my life:
"I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too."

And here's a song I've been listening to today. Its been perfect for drinking coffee and staying inside out of the cold.
Ed Sheeran - Autumn Leaves
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Praying for everyone affected by Hurricane Sandy. Stay inside and stay safe.  

Hoo had a great weekend?!

Me! I had an amazing weekend at UVA. An amazing weekend away from it all, visiting my best friend. It was so good to see her, I hadn't seen her in WAY too long! I forgot how happy it makes me to be around her. Not even happy I would say, just contented. Content to be together, talk about life, relax and do nothing sometimes. It was great. 

Charlottesville and UVA are gorgeous, especially this time of year. I loved walking around and seeing parts of the campus again. It never gets old! 

 I'd have to say, I've fallen for fall. It's my second favorite time of the year, Christmas being the first. When the leaves change and it's chilly enough to wear a light jacket. I like it a lot.

We had some gorgeous days this weekend. But even better than the awesome weather was spending time together. Anna and I got to catch up on life, watch some Big Bang Theory (which we both LOVE), go to a pancake breakfast, farmer's market, see Perks of Being a Wallflower, explore downtown and fit some study time in there too. 
Anna lives in a Christian house with 15 other girls, which I thought was really cool. She's a small group leader, along with a lot of the other girls in her house, and I know she's helping out her freshman girls more than she knows. When she told me she was going to be a small group leader over the summer, I thought "but of course." Of course, because she would be the perfect one. Not perfect in that she does everything right, but she has the perfect heart to be one. She's the most selfless person I know. She cares so much, so so much. She cares to the point where she forgets about herself sometimes, and it's beautiful. She leads by serving and loving, which I know she's doing for her girls. She's part of a Christian fellowship called Chi Alpha and I'm so glad God lead her there. I've heard nothing but great things about it. It's like she belongs there, a perfect fit, and it makes me so happy. She also frequents this place called the "Stud" which is a Christian study center that provides study rooms, free coffee and snacks, a library and friendly staff. I'm really jealous because there's nothing like that at JMU that I know of, or else I'd go all the time! 

Side note: Perks of Being a Wallflower was such a great movie. I would definitely recommend it. It had me laughing and tearing up, and it had a great message. I haven't read the book, so maybe that's even better. I'll have to compare the two one day. But for now, I love the movie. What really got me was something the characters said about love. One of the main characters, Sam - a senior in high school was talking to Charlie - a freshman in high school. Basically in the movie, Sam and her brother Patrick befriend Charlie. Charlie was having a rough time because the summer before he started high school his best friend committed suicide. So he didn't really have any friends, until Sam and Patrick walked into his life. The part I loved is when Sam and Charlie are talking, and Sam says "Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people who treat us like we're nothing?" Charlie replies "We accept the love we think we deserve."
Wow. How true is that. How insightful. How real. And that's something I've struggled with in my own life, and I've seen my friends struggle with it as well. When you know your friends, or even yourself, deserve better. But they don't see it. And sometimes you don't see it yourself until later. For some, not at all. 
But it's a great movie, I'd love to see it again. It was happy, sad, free, real. It made me wish I was more of a free spirit, like Sam in the movie. When she's standing in the back of a truck, arms spread, driving through the tunnel like she was flying. I know it's just a movie, but a part of me wishes I was more like that. I'm usually too self conscious or worried of what other people think of me. I'm a classic wallflower. But I don't want to be, so I'm trying to work on that. 

Overall, this weekend was the best. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing best friend that I've had for so long. We had multiple girls in the house ask us how long we've been friends. And I didn't realize how crazy it was until we said it a few times. Since 4th grade. 4th GRADE. Then Anna said something that blew my mind - we've been friends for 10 years. Wow. That's more than half of our lives. Anna's little brother is turning 10, which is how long we've known each other. I remember Anna's mom carrying him into our 4th grade classroom in his little car seat. And now he's as old as we were at that time. CRAZY. I honestly can't believe it. I feel so old and so young at the same time.

I'm so blessed to have someone like Anna walk through more than half of my life with me. She's been like a sister and always been there for me, no matter what. Through late nights, break ups, embarrassing moments, both tough and happy times. I'm not sure how else to describe it except Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times." All times. We've always been there for each other, and we always will. 

This is at Anna's surprise 16th birthday party

This is on the UVA lawn this weekend

 So much has changed. But so much has also stayed the same. We go to different colleges, have different majors, have different journeys. But we've managed to stay best friends through it all. And lucky for us, we're only a phone call away from each other! 

To end, here's another one of my favorite quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower. I thought it seemed appropriate. 

"You made me feel not alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear...

...we are infinite."

What's it mean?

Is a question I've asked myself quite a bit lately. And maybe if anyone stumbles along this blog down the road, they'll wonder the same thing. What does this blog mean? What does it mean to be emptied? What about filled? 

First of all, being the planner that I am, I actually don't have a plan here. Shocking right? I don't have a plan for this blog. I've wanted to start one for a while now and fear kept holding me back. I was afraid of what people would think if they saw it. If they would think of me differently. But I decided to do it anyway, because it's not about other people. It's about God. So I'll see how this goes!
 
Second of all, I don't claim to be an expert on anything. At all. Not life. Not love. Especially not God. My horribly finite mind can't even wrap itself around Him most of the time. I'm young, I'm not even 20 years old yet. But I am living. I'm trying to figure all of this out, like everyone else. I don't have all the answers. But I'm on the journey, so maybe that's gives me a small say. Even so, these are my observations and how God is working in my life. Everyone's journey will be different. And that's what makes it so beautiful.

So why did I choose my blog name. Answer: I'm not really sure. I thought about it, and it made sense for the kind of things I would put on here. And it seemed pretty true of my life. So far I haven't been emptied of anything that God hasn't filled with something much greater. Moving away from home, break-ups, leaving friends behind. At the time, it's devastating. I'm not going to deny that. But when the smoke cleared, I sat up and realized I was ok. I survived. I not only survived, I was better than before. And not because of anything I did. God has provided for me in so many incredible and unexpected ways. 

And I really like this song called The Desert Song. It reminds me that no matter what is going on in my life, God is right there with me. The link is below. There's a verse that hits me everytime I hear it:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3l1z7bXY9Y 

It seems to me that people in the Bible, and life even, show a constant struggle of emptying themselves to be filled with God. I must empty myself of my own desires. My own dreams. My own plans. And it's scary. It's so scary. But it's what I have to do. I know God has so much more in store for me than what I have for myself. Emptying myself is the only way to be filled with God. It's the only way to be truly living.

John 3:30 "He must become greater, I must become less." 

a little background...

...I think is in order.  Even if it's just for me.  A foundation, a level playing ground.  Some good things to know:
I'm an only daughter. My parents are the two most important people in my life and I love them so incredibly much.
I'm a college student. I attend James Madison University in the beautiful Shenandoah valley of Virginia. There's a part of me that's in love with the mountains, and I think always will be. It's beyond gorgeous here, but maybe I'm biased!
I'm a sophomore nursing major. I'm not officially in nursing school yet, I still have to apply to get in this December. But nursing and the medical field is something I'm so passionate about, and I can't imagine trying to do anything else. 
I'm a planner.  I like to be in control of things, especially my time.  I like to know what's going on, what's up, and what's coming next. I'm gradually learning that I need to let go of being in control. It's a daily struggle.
I'm an introvert.  Sometimes I just need to be alone and not talk to people for a while.  It helps me recharge and keep my sanity.
I'm a lover of a lot of things... 

• Animals ~ especially cats. I joke that I'm going to be a cat lady one day, but it might actually be true and I think I would love it! I love other animals too, I just have a soft spot for cats. I have two back home that I miss dearly when I'm away at school.

• Coffee ~ I don't think I could make it through my day without it. In all seriousness. I'm most likely addicted, but it's just too good! 

• Reading ~ As in actually turning pages in a book. There's something about holding a book in my hands, turning the pages, smelling the new book smell, and letting myself get lost for a while.

• Black & white pictures ~ I'm not quite sure what it is, but something is simply better about them.

• Music ~ All kinds. Classical, country, rock, Broadway, Top 40 etc. I play the piano, which I also love. It's a stress reliever for me, and it just makes me happy! In fact, I think I'm almost happiest when it's just me and the keys in front of me with time to waste.

• Stargazing ~ I'm that nerd that absolutely loves the planetarium. But stargazing is one of my favorite things to do and I don't do it nearly enough.

• Movies ~ I'm a huge movie buff. I get it honestly from my parents. Watching movies is something we love to do together. And I'll give any movie a shot, at least once!

• Laughter ~ I love hearing people's laughs. It's so unique to each person. Sometimes a good, long laugh makes things a little better. And another thing my family loves to do together is watch stand-up comedy. Corny jokes, dry jokes, I've heard a lot of them!

• Sleep ~ I like it a lot. I'm the type of person that if I don't get my sleep, it's just not a good thing. And call me crazy, but I have this theory. I think a person is most beautiful (or handsome) when they first wake up in the morning. When they first open their eyes, stretch, that's when they're most vulnerable. Most real.

• Simple things ~ Everything from sunsets, singing, fresh air, real conversations to running outside. And a lot of things in between. 

In my opinion, i think I saved the best for last. A huge part of me is my faith. I wouldn't be who I am today without God in my life. He saved my life. He sent His son to die for me, because He loves me that much. Loves all of us that much. I know I'm far from perfect. I mess up a lot and make a ton of mistakes. But He loves me just the same. Incredible. I fail him every day, but He never fails. It's safe to say...I'm in love. I'm in love with God, His Son and living life for Him. It's not easy. Oh my, it is not easy. But it's worth it. 

A little love note God left outside my apartment the other night. And the mountains I so dearly love.

a little beginning

I think the best way to start off this blog is with prayer. Not just any prayer, but a prayer that’s very special to me. Over the summer, one of my good friends shared this prayer with me. It’s called - the major life transitions prayer from The Common Book of Prayer. I think it’s a perfect fit for this time in my life. And this prayer is one I’ve said numerous times. So here it is:

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door. Amen.