This week has been a struggle.
It's been tough to get back in the swing of things.
It's tough falling in love with a place and the people there and then suddenly have to leave.
It's tough to be separated from a group of people you grew so close to that was like family.
The last few weeks of school are just plain tough. Classes are quickly piling up. Finals are swiftly approaching.
And on top of everything else, my nursing school application was due this week. And I had a job interview this morning. It's been a challenge.
Ask almost anyone, and they know I've been freaking out this week. I've just been under so much stress.
And what do I do when I'm under stress?
I try to control it. I try to control my time, my circumstances, my work, everything. I try to plan everything out and anticipate how everything is going to go. I worry and I worry and I worry. Until nothing's left but exhaustion.
I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day and he told me - "Sarah, you're trying to control the uncontrollable. Like you usually do."
Isn't that so true though? That's definitely what I do. I try to control things I have absolutely no control over.
I can't control if I get into nursing school (to an extent). I can't control if I get this job. And the reason I've been so burned out this week is because I tried to do it all on my own. Emphasis on the I. Me. Only myself. And it was the worst idea ever.
This song basically sums up my week. It came on my iPod when I was riding the bus one night this week.
Empty My Hands - Tenth Avenue North
The lyrics get me every time. They just speak to me. And it's exactly what I've been going through.
Here are the lyrics:
~ I've got voices in my head and they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free
But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive?
So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived
But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find You brought me back to life
So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
'Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for
So won't you empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You
I need You now ~
I'm this person. I've been allowing myself to believe the lies in my head. And I've looked to my own devices to solve my problems instead of looking to Him. I've thought - who am I to get into nursing school? I'm not that smart. It's so competitive. I'm probably not good enough. And the same for the job interview.
But my God is greater than the thoughts and lies in my head.
God, please empty my hands. Fill up my heart. And completely capture my mind with You. I've gotten so sidetracked lately. I thought I had this handled, but I seriously don't. I need You more than anything. I need Your grace. I know You have a plan much greater than my dreams and desires. Help me lay those at Your feet.
Empty my hands.
I need to let go. And set my eyes on You.
I'm excited I'm going home this weekend. I think it'll be a good thing for me. It's been a month since I've been home. I'm really looking forward to seeing my parents and my cats!
And I seriously need to relax.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Living in the Positive
I don't even know where to begin.
The week I spent in New Orleans serving Project Lazarus was indescribable. It was everything I hoped it would be, and more. I met the most incredible people and it was, without a doubt, one of the best Thanksgiving's I've ever had.
First of all, I couldn't have asked for a better group. I loved getting to know each of them and we became so close so fast. By the end of the week they were like family to me. They all had the best sense of humor and had me laughing all the time! Everything from karaoke in the crock pot, mad lib's, to talking in accents, I was constantly cracking up! Just thinking about some of the things we said and did makes me laugh as I'm typing this. But in all seriousness, I could tell they each had a huge heart for service. I don't think I've ever been part of a better group of people. I'm so lucky to have met all of them and spent a week together in the wonderful city of New Orleans.
New Orleans. What an amazing city. It was my first time going there and I'd go back in a heartbeat. Maybe this is strange, but the first thing I noticed about it was the smell. I'm not really sure how to describe it...I guess spicy works. It smells spicy. And everything is so colorful. The streets. The beads. The masks. The food (beignets are an amazing creation of deliciousness). The people. It's full of color. Full of life. As I walked through the streets, I couldn't help but stare at everything, trying to take it all in.
Especially all the sounds. I think I fell in love with jazz music all over again. The street musicians are awesome there and so talented. I'd look down and see my foot tapping and I didn't even realize it. I had to stop myself from throwing all my money in buckets or open guitar cases, the music was just too good!
And the weather was amazing too the entire week. Sunny and 75 degrees. I was definitely getting spoiled by the end of the week.
I can easily see how people can become enchanted by this city. But I think it took me a week living there to get a true taste of what it's like. Beneath the glitz and glam, I saw some hurt. Some struggle. Some desperation. I saw it in the tired eyes of street performers trying to make ends meet. I saw it in a drunk stumbling through the park asking for money. I saw it in a man coming over to ask for cigarettes and sending over his daughter (I think) a few minutes later to ask again for cigarettes. She looked about 7 years old. People struggle through life daily. But I still loved the city, for what it is and what it isn't. The good and the not so good.
The first couple days of the week we mostly did yard work. I was slightly disappointed because I'm not a huge fan of yard work and I really wanted to meet the residents as soon as possible. I'm not the most patient person when it comes to yard work because it's so tedious. But it turned out being really great. It was good for me to pull some weeds and monkey grass. The director of facilities there worked right along side us and had some really good insights on life. I didn't expect a director of facilities to be so invested in a place like Lazarus and its residents. But she was. And she reminded us that everything we were doing was making the place more beautiful for the residents - and they deserve that. I have to admit, there's something about working outside in the sun that soothes the soul. It made me feel good at the end of the day. Good and tired complete with sore muscles. And lots of mosquito bites.
I think meeting and interacting with the residents was the highlight of my trip. They each had some awesome life stories. I think they helped me more than I helped them, to be honest. I learned so much from them, about life and about myself.
I learned not to settle for anything less than what makes me happy. That includes anything from a job to even someone I might date. And to not just study something because it will get me a job, I need to do what I love. I should look forward to waking up each morning. And it's ok to not know exactly what I want to do in my life. And it's ok to even change career paths halfway through life. Because it's not ok to hate your life or hate what you do. I should travel as much as possible and learn about other cultures that are different from mine. And it's important to get an education no matter what.
One resident said something that stayed with me. He asked me what my plans were in life, and I said I'm not exactly sure because so much could change in the future. He told me - if you make peace with yourself and with your Maker, your future isn't going to change. He has it all mapped out.
- I don't think I'll ever forget that.
That week was definitely a time of life affirmation for me. It just affirmed that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing in life. I woke up each morning refreshed and ready to go serve Lazarus any way I could. And it made me happier than anything else. It made me realize I'm happiest when I'm serving others, and the medical field will allow me to do that every day.
Side note: I learned how to play Spades much better this week, which was a lot of fun. They're very serious about their Spades down there. Very intense and competitive, but I loved it. It took me out of my element and put the residents completely in theirs. And it was something they enjoyed, so I enjoyed it too.
I got to know some of the most interesting and unique people I've ever met. Inspirational too. They didn't treat HIV as a death sentence. They treated it as a life challenge. Some of them advocate for HIV/AIDS awareness, which is awesome. They are happy and positive people, even though they are positive (oh the irony). They smiled, laughed and were open to us. Many of the residents come from very hard lives that I can't even imagine. Alcoholism. Drug addiction. Foster homes. Prison. Broken families. But their difficult lives didn't make them cold or harsh. They are some of the nicest and most compassionate people. Hilarious too. I wish I could be more like them.
I think it's ridiculous that there's still a stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. I'm not even sure why there's still any stigma at all. Maybe people play into the stereotypes? But in reality, they're exactly the same people. They're the same as me. No different. They may have made some different decisions than I did. But that doesn't make me any better. Gay, lesbian, transgender, alcoholic, drug addict, men, women, it doesn't really matter to me. They're beautiful people. I have my own vices that I struggle with. We all do. No one's perfect. I won't judge anyone for their past and hopefully no one will judge me for mine.
If Project Lazarus taught me anything, it's that second chances are vital to life. We all need them, I know I do all the time. And that's what Project Lazarus is, a second chance. Also, my life is ridiculously easy and I have no right to complain about anything.
This break I got to live out what Thanksgiving means. And I loved every minute of it. This Thanksgiving especially I was truly thankful for life, for health, for people and for love.
Thanksgiving isn't about the turkey, the food, or the pies. Although that might be a plus, it's not what it's about. It's about family and friends. My group and the residents became my family that week, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way.
Thanksgiving isn't about going around the table to say what you're thankful for. It's living out your thankfulness in daily life. I can say I'm thankful for something or someone as much as I want, but what does that really mean if my life doesn't reflect that? Unless I do something about it, it doesn't really mean as much. I'm thankful for life, so I gave up a week of mine to Project Lazarus so that the people there could have a better one. I'm not saying I'm a perfect example, far from it. But that week gave me a deeper meaning of what service and thanksgiving really means.
I missed Project Lazarus the second we left. I miss my group all living in the same room. The snoring at night. The heavy legs and eyelids at the end of the day after walking everywhere and getting the minimum amount of sleep. The city. The colors. The sounds. But most of all, the residents. Their personalities. Their stories. Their struggles. I just want to be right beside them helping any way that I can.
I'll never forget that week as long as I live. And I can't wait to see how Project Lazarus fits into my future.
Thanks for the best week N'awlins.
(Now that's an understatement if I ever heard one)
Cheers.
The week I spent in New Orleans serving Project Lazarus was indescribable. It was everything I hoped it would be, and more. I met the most incredible people and it was, without a doubt, one of the best Thanksgiving's I've ever had.
New Orleans. What an amazing city. It was my first time going there and I'd go back in a heartbeat. Maybe this is strange, but the first thing I noticed about it was the smell. I'm not really sure how to describe it...I guess spicy works. It smells spicy. And everything is so colorful. The streets. The beads. The masks. The food (beignets are an amazing creation of deliciousness). The people. It's full of color. Full of life. As I walked through the streets, I couldn't help but stare at everything, trying to take it all in.
Especially all the sounds. I think I fell in love with jazz music all over again. The street musicians are awesome there and so talented. I'd look down and see my foot tapping and I didn't even realize it. I had to stop myself from throwing all my money in buckets or open guitar cases, the music was just too good!
And the weather was amazing too the entire week. Sunny and 75 degrees. I was definitely getting spoiled by the end of the week.
I can easily see how people can become enchanted by this city. But I think it took me a week living there to get a true taste of what it's like. Beneath the glitz and glam, I saw some hurt. Some struggle. Some desperation. I saw it in the tired eyes of street performers trying to make ends meet. I saw it in a drunk stumbling through the park asking for money. I saw it in a man coming over to ask for cigarettes and sending over his daughter (I think) a few minutes later to ask again for cigarettes. She looked about 7 years old. People struggle through life daily. But I still loved the city, for what it is and what it isn't. The good and the not so good.
The first couple days of the week we mostly did yard work. I was slightly disappointed because I'm not a huge fan of yard work and I really wanted to meet the residents as soon as possible. I'm not the most patient person when it comes to yard work because it's so tedious. But it turned out being really great. It was good for me to pull some weeds and monkey grass. The director of facilities there worked right along side us and had some really good insights on life. I didn't expect a director of facilities to be so invested in a place like Lazarus and its residents. But she was. And she reminded us that everything we were doing was making the place more beautiful for the residents - and they deserve that. I have to admit, there's something about working outside in the sun that soothes the soul. It made me feel good at the end of the day. Good and tired complete with sore muscles. And lots of mosquito bites.
I think meeting and interacting with the residents was the highlight of my trip. They each had some awesome life stories. I think they helped me more than I helped them, to be honest. I learned so much from them, about life and about myself.
I learned not to settle for anything less than what makes me happy. That includes anything from a job to even someone I might date. And to not just study something because it will get me a job, I need to do what I love. I should look forward to waking up each morning. And it's ok to not know exactly what I want to do in my life. And it's ok to even change career paths halfway through life. Because it's not ok to hate your life or hate what you do. I should travel as much as possible and learn about other cultures that are different from mine. And it's important to get an education no matter what.
One resident said something that stayed with me. He asked me what my plans were in life, and I said I'm not exactly sure because so much could change in the future. He told me - if you make peace with yourself and with your Maker, your future isn't going to change. He has it all mapped out.
- I don't think I'll ever forget that.
That week was definitely a time of life affirmation for me. It just affirmed that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing in life. I woke up each morning refreshed and ready to go serve Lazarus any way I could. And it made me happier than anything else. It made me realize I'm happiest when I'm serving others, and the medical field will allow me to do that every day.
Side note: I learned how to play Spades much better this week, which was a lot of fun. They're very serious about their Spades down there. Very intense and competitive, but I loved it. It took me out of my element and put the residents completely in theirs. And it was something they enjoyed, so I enjoyed it too.
I got to know some of the most interesting and unique people I've ever met. Inspirational too. They didn't treat HIV as a death sentence. They treated it as a life challenge. Some of them advocate for HIV/AIDS awareness, which is awesome. They are happy and positive people, even though they are positive (oh the irony). They smiled, laughed and were open to us. Many of the residents come from very hard lives that I can't even imagine. Alcoholism. Drug addiction. Foster homes. Prison. Broken families. But their difficult lives didn't make them cold or harsh. They are some of the nicest and most compassionate people. Hilarious too. I wish I could be more like them.
I think it's ridiculous that there's still a stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. I'm not even sure why there's still any stigma at all. Maybe people play into the stereotypes? But in reality, they're exactly the same people. They're the same as me. No different. They may have made some different decisions than I did. But that doesn't make me any better. Gay, lesbian, transgender, alcoholic, drug addict, men, women, it doesn't really matter to me. They're beautiful people. I have my own vices that I struggle with. We all do. No one's perfect. I won't judge anyone for their past and hopefully no one will judge me for mine.
If Project Lazarus taught me anything, it's that second chances are vital to life. We all need them, I know I do all the time. And that's what Project Lazarus is, a second chance. Also, my life is ridiculously easy and I have no right to complain about anything.
This break I got to live out what Thanksgiving means. And I loved every minute of it. This Thanksgiving especially I was truly thankful for life, for health, for people and for love.
Thanksgiving isn't about the turkey, the food, or the pies. Although that might be a plus, it's not what it's about. It's about family and friends. My group and the residents became my family that week, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way.
Thanksgiving isn't about going around the table to say what you're thankful for. It's living out your thankfulness in daily life. I can say I'm thankful for something or someone as much as I want, but what does that really mean if my life doesn't reflect that? Unless I do something about it, it doesn't really mean as much. I'm thankful for life, so I gave up a week of mine to Project Lazarus so that the people there could have a better one. I'm not saying I'm a perfect example, far from it. But that week gave me a deeper meaning of what service and thanksgiving really means.
I missed Project Lazarus the second we left. I miss my group all living in the same room. The snoring at night. The heavy legs and eyelids at the end of the day after walking everywhere and getting the minimum amount of sleep. The city. The colors. The sounds. But most of all, the residents. Their personalities. Their stories. Their struggles. I just want to be right beside them helping any way that I can.
I'll never forget that week as long as I live. And I can't wait to see how Project Lazarus fits into my future.
Thanks for the best week N'awlins.
(Now that's an understatement if I ever heard one)
Cheers.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
One Week 'Til Project Laz!
One week from today I'll be waking up in New Orleans!
It's hard for me to believe. It's almost finally here! I have some mixed feelings about it (which include some anxiety and nervousness) but mostly excitement! It's about 5% nervous, 95% absolute excitement!
For the entire week of my Thanksgiving break I'll be going down to New Orleans to work with Project Lazarus. It's for this really great thing that JMU does called the Alternative Break Program. Basically, they set up different trips that students can go on over their breaks for an affordable cost where they do community service learning. I didn't even know this existed until this year, and I wish I'd known sooner! Oh well, at least I'm going on a trip this year! I'm going down with a team of 10 people - 7 student participants, 2 student leaders and 1 learning partner. I didn't know anyone else that was going on the trip before the trip meetings. Kind of risky! But I think this risk is going to turn out to be incredible. At least I'm hoping.
Project Lazarus is the oldest and largest residential facility in New Orleans that houses people that have tested positive for HIV/AIDS. It really is like a house, so the residents feel like they have a place to call home. It provides all levels of care to the residents depending on what stage they are in of the disease. The average stay of a resident is 12 months and more than 1,000 men and women have called Lazarus home. Men and women come to Lazarus if they don't have the money, have no where else to go, have been shunned by their family and friends because of the stigma of being positive, etc. Project Lazarus provides love and companionship to these people, along with the care they desperately need.
I'm not entirely sure what working with Project Lazarus will entail. And I'm not sure that it really matters. I'll be doing whatever is needed. That could be chores around the house, running errands or playing games with the residents, or simply having a conversation with them to keep them company. I'm up for anything. I just hope I can be helpful in some way.
I'm trying to not let my anxiety and nervousness get the best of me. I know the only reason I'm anxious and nervous is because I don't know what to expect. I don't know what's going to happen or what it's going to be like.
I don't have any control.
And that can be a scary thing for me. The control freak that I am. I have zero control over this. I'm trying to enjoy that instead of being intimidated by it. This is a pretty big risk (at least for me) to go on a trip with people I don't know, to an unfamiliar city, with a population of people I've never worked with before. I've been clenching so tight to hold on to what little control I have, but it's only wearing me down with worry.
And I feel like God's been saying - it's time let go, I've got you, just enjoy the ride. Which I'm gradually starting to realize is what he's been saying about my whole life.
So I've decided I'm going to enjoy the unknown, not fear it. Starting with this trip.
And what made me want to go on this trip? I honestly don't really know. I read about alternative breaks in an e-mail, which is actually pretty lucky because I usually don't read JMU e-mails (because we get about 15 a day). But something told me to actually read this one. And I'm so glad I did. So I looked up the possible breaks. Maybe this sounds corny, but the second I read about Project Lazarus I knew it was for me. Love at first sight if you will? I don't know what it was, but I was drawn to it. So I put my name in the lottery for a break...
Side note: they pick participants for alternative breaks through a lottery process. They have so many people that want to go, they have to pick randomly. If that doesn't say something about the heart for service JMU has, I don't know what does. There are always people who don't get to go on a trip. Honestly, I think that's a great problem to have. There are so many people that want to give up their time to serve, they all don't get to go. Beautiful. Just another reason why I love my school.
...So I put my name in the lottery for a break. I didn't allow myself to get my hopes up. I knew very well my name could not get called. So I went to the lottery, and waited, but not for long. My name was the 5th one called.
I think that was the happiest moment of my college career so far. To hear my name called. Knowing that I was going to New Orleans. I didn't realize how much I secretly wanted this trip until I actually got it. I called my parents trying not to cry. That's how much I'd wanted it. Such a happy moment.
Funny enough, I was sitting in the library the other day procrastinating on work when I came across this article about a spring break trip JMU took to New Orleans.
Spring into Service in the Big Easy
This may sound ridiculous, but after reading it I was sitting in the library tearing up. It made my heart so happy to read about what JMU students got to do over spring break. And it helped calm my fears and anxiety about my thanksgiving break trip.
There is one part at the end of article where they talk about the residents lives and how they were doing. What they said really stayed with me.
~"These people have really lived full lives although many are not physically old," said Steele. She credits the residents for inspiring her to explore what it means to live each day to the fullest. "When we asked one resident how he was, he replied, 'blessed that I woke up this morning,'" said Steele. "We take for granted that we are going to wake up each day and go."~
Blessed that I woke up this morning.
I'm already in love with Project Lazarus and I haven't even arrived or met one resident yet.
Please pray for me. For our team. Pray for safe travels there and back. For the work we'll be doing. Pray for positive attitudes. For hearts full of service ready to be emptied. But most of all, pray for the residents. Because the week we'll be there isn't about us, it's about them.
It's hard for me to believe. It's almost finally here! I have some mixed feelings about it (which include some anxiety and nervousness) but mostly excitement! It's about 5% nervous, 95% absolute excitement!
For the entire week of my Thanksgiving break I'll be going down to New Orleans to work with Project Lazarus. It's for this really great thing that JMU does called the Alternative Break Program. Basically, they set up different trips that students can go on over their breaks for an affordable cost where they do community service learning. I didn't even know this existed until this year, and I wish I'd known sooner! Oh well, at least I'm going on a trip this year! I'm going down with a team of 10 people - 7 student participants, 2 student leaders and 1 learning partner. I didn't know anyone else that was going on the trip before the trip meetings. Kind of risky! But I think this risk is going to turn out to be incredible. At least I'm hoping.
Project Lazarus is the oldest and largest residential facility in New Orleans that houses people that have tested positive for HIV/AIDS. It really is like a house, so the residents feel like they have a place to call home. It provides all levels of care to the residents depending on what stage they are in of the disease. The average stay of a resident is 12 months and more than 1,000 men and women have called Lazarus home. Men and women come to Lazarus if they don't have the money, have no where else to go, have been shunned by their family and friends because of the stigma of being positive, etc. Project Lazarus provides love and companionship to these people, along with the care they desperately need.
I'm not entirely sure what working with Project Lazarus will entail. And I'm not sure that it really matters. I'll be doing whatever is needed. That could be chores around the house, running errands or playing games with the residents, or simply having a conversation with them to keep them company. I'm up for anything. I just hope I can be helpful in some way.
I'm trying to not let my anxiety and nervousness get the best of me. I know the only reason I'm anxious and nervous is because I don't know what to expect. I don't know what's going to happen or what it's going to be like.
I don't have any control.
And that can be a scary thing for me. The control freak that I am. I have zero control over this. I'm trying to enjoy that instead of being intimidated by it. This is a pretty big risk (at least for me) to go on a trip with people I don't know, to an unfamiliar city, with a population of people I've never worked with before. I've been clenching so tight to hold on to what little control I have, but it's only wearing me down with worry.
And I feel like God's been saying - it's time let go, I've got you, just enjoy the ride. Which I'm gradually starting to realize is what he's been saying about my whole life.
So I've decided I'm going to enjoy the unknown, not fear it. Starting with this trip.
And what made me want to go on this trip? I honestly don't really know. I read about alternative breaks in an e-mail, which is actually pretty lucky because I usually don't read JMU e-mails (because we get about 15 a day). But something told me to actually read this one. And I'm so glad I did. So I looked up the possible breaks. Maybe this sounds corny, but the second I read about Project Lazarus I knew it was for me. Love at first sight if you will? I don't know what it was, but I was drawn to it. So I put my name in the lottery for a break...
Side note: they pick participants for alternative breaks through a lottery process. They have so many people that want to go, they have to pick randomly. If that doesn't say something about the heart for service JMU has, I don't know what does. There are always people who don't get to go on a trip. Honestly, I think that's a great problem to have. There are so many people that want to give up their time to serve, they all don't get to go. Beautiful. Just another reason why I love my school.
...So I put my name in the lottery for a break. I didn't allow myself to get my hopes up. I knew very well my name could not get called. So I went to the lottery, and waited, but not for long. My name was the 5th one called.
I think that was the happiest moment of my college career so far. To hear my name called. Knowing that I was going to New Orleans. I didn't realize how much I secretly wanted this trip until I actually got it. I called my parents trying not to cry. That's how much I'd wanted it. Such a happy moment.
Funny enough, I was sitting in the library the other day procrastinating on work when I came across this article about a spring break trip JMU took to New Orleans.
Spring into Service in the Big Easy
This may sound ridiculous, but after reading it I was sitting in the library tearing up. It made my heart so happy to read about what JMU students got to do over spring break. And it helped calm my fears and anxiety about my thanksgiving break trip.
There is one part at the end of article where they talk about the residents lives and how they were doing. What they said really stayed with me.
~"These people have really lived full lives although many are not physically old," said Steele. She credits the residents for inspiring her to explore what it means to live each day to the fullest. "When we asked one resident how he was, he replied, 'blessed that I woke up this morning,'" said Steele. "We take for granted that we are going to wake up each day and go."~
Blessed that I woke up this morning.
I'm already in love with Project Lazarus and I haven't even arrived or met one resident yet.
Please pray for me. For our team. Pray for safe travels there and back. For the work we'll be doing. Pray for positive attitudes. For hearts full of service ready to be emptied. But most of all, pray for the residents. Because the week we'll be there isn't about us, it's about them.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I don't really like political posts
Disclaimer: So, even though I don't like them, this is kind of a political post. So if you don't want to hear anything more about it, stop reading now. But it's not only about politics, it's also about people, their actions and words, and God.
I'm a passionate person. I'm passionate about a lot of things.
Politics isn't one of them.
It's not that i don't think it's important, because it is. It is important to get informed, do your own research and get out to the polls and vote. It is a right we have as Americans that is denied to many around the world. Especially women. I was a first time voter this election and I loved it. I loved having a voice and having a say, because many women worldwide don't have that and never will.
But I'm not a fan of how people treat each other. I don't like the name-calling, hate, and anger. It's awful. And it makes me so sad. And I honestly wonder, do people think that the candidates can hear them? Do people think Obama can hear you call him an idiot, or Romney can hear you call him a moron? News flash: they can't. They are surrounded by family, friends and advisers that are supportive of them. So instead of poisoning your own mind with excessive negativity towards another person, why not take a higher road?
Try praying for them. Lift the person up, instead of tearing them down. Pray for our leaders.
Governor Romney had a very classy concession speech last night. While Gov. Romney and I disagree on many, many things, I had to give him credit on how he handled conceding the election. This is from parts of his speech that stuck with me:
"The nation, as you know, is at a critical point. At a time like this, we can’t risk partisan bickering and political posturing. Our leaders have to reach across the aisle to do the people’s work...And we look to Democrats and Republicans in government at all levels to put the people before the politics...I believe in America. I believe in the people of America...And so Ann and I join with you to earnestly pray for him (Obama) and for this great nation."
I'm not sure if I could have said it better myself. Stop the partisan bickering. Stop the political posturing. Put people before the politics. PRAY.
Not name call, insult, mope around in a slump. PRAY.
I don't really understand the people who supported Romney and say now - well, I guess all we can do now is pray. And at least Obama can't get re-elected next time.
Really?
So if Romney won, you wouldn't have prayed for him? You thought he had it all handled on his own?
Because praying is the last resort?
Praying should be our first resort. Regardless of the candidate. I keep getting the impression that if Romney had won, I wouldn't continue to hear that this country needs prayer.
"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.”
-1 Timothy 2:1-2
I know I'm guilty of not always praying for my leaders. But they're human. They need prayer just as much as everyone else. And Lord knows I know I need a lot of prayer, and that's just me. So I'm tired of hearing people say - I guess all we can do now is pray. That should have been the first option all along, all through the election, and now for the next four years. Whether it was Obama or Romney.
This verse has also been a real comfort to me over the past few days leading up to the election.
"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." Romans 13:1
It just reminded me that God is in control no matter what. He has a plan. And nothing that I say or do can change that. And the same for what everyone else says or does.
I find comfort in that fact that I had a say in this election. I voted for the candidate that was the best choice for me, in my opinion. And that's the beautiful thing about opinions, people have all different ones! I don't understand why some people get upset or threatened by the fact that someone else thinks differently than them. It's a wonderful thing, not a scary thing. You just have to be open to new ideas and ways of thinking. Usually, the only way to learn about new ideas is to close your mouth and listen, which I think some people need to master first. Baby steps.
I haven't posted on any social networking sites who I voted for. I don't like conflict, confrontation or arguing, which I thought it would only start. Sad, isn't it? But I don't mind saying it here, because this blog is much more personal. I voted for President Barack Obama. And I'm so glad I picked the candidate that was the best choice for me and in my opinion, for this country. I had my own reasons for voting for him, but I'm not going to go into detail here. I will continue to pray for him, his family and the leaders of our country. I can only hope that others will do the same. Congratulations President Obama on four more years.
~God, please give me patience and understanding when others talk about the election. Help me to be positive throughout the negativity. Help me to give others the same grace that You give me every day. You are in control, even when everything seems out of control. Even when people speak with hate instead of love. Help me to turn to You. You have this all under control, I know it. Amen~
Side note: my heart is so happy for the LGBT community. Marriage equality has been legalized in Maine and Maryland now. And this is the first time this has happened via ballot. Makes me very happy, indeed.
And at least the political campaign ads are over for now. That makes me very happy too.
I'm a passionate person. I'm passionate about a lot of things.
Politics isn't one of them.
It's not that i don't think it's important, because it is. It is important to get informed, do your own research and get out to the polls and vote. It is a right we have as Americans that is denied to many around the world. Especially women. I was a first time voter this election and I loved it. I loved having a voice and having a say, because many women worldwide don't have that and never will.
But I'm not a fan of how people treat each other. I don't like the name-calling, hate, and anger. It's awful. And it makes me so sad. And I honestly wonder, do people think that the candidates can hear them? Do people think Obama can hear you call him an idiot, or Romney can hear you call him a moron? News flash: they can't. They are surrounded by family, friends and advisers that are supportive of them. So instead of poisoning your own mind with excessive negativity towards another person, why not take a higher road?
Try praying for them. Lift the person up, instead of tearing them down. Pray for our leaders.
Governor Romney had a very classy concession speech last night. While Gov. Romney and I disagree on many, many things, I had to give him credit on how he handled conceding the election. This is from parts of his speech that stuck with me:
"The nation, as you know, is at a critical point. At a time like this, we can’t risk partisan bickering and political posturing. Our leaders have to reach across the aisle to do the people’s work...And we look to Democrats and Republicans in government at all levels to put the people before the politics...I believe in America. I believe in the people of America...And so Ann and I join with you to earnestly pray for him (Obama) and for this great nation."
I'm not sure if I could have said it better myself. Stop the partisan bickering. Stop the political posturing. Put people before the politics. PRAY.
Not name call, insult, mope around in a slump. PRAY.
I don't really understand the people who supported Romney and say now - well, I guess all we can do now is pray. And at least Obama can't get re-elected next time.
Really?
So if Romney won, you wouldn't have prayed for him? You thought he had it all handled on his own?
Because praying is the last resort?
Praying should be our first resort. Regardless of the candidate. I keep getting the impression that if Romney had won, I wouldn't continue to hear that this country needs prayer.
"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.”
-1 Timothy 2:1-2
I know I'm guilty of not always praying for my leaders. But they're human. They need prayer just as much as everyone else. And Lord knows I know I need a lot of prayer, and that's just me. So I'm tired of hearing people say - I guess all we can do now is pray. That should have been the first option all along, all through the election, and now for the next four years. Whether it was Obama or Romney.
This verse has also been a real comfort to me over the past few days leading up to the election.
"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." Romans 13:1
It just reminded me that God is in control no matter what. He has a plan. And nothing that I say or do can change that. And the same for what everyone else says or does.
I find comfort in that fact that I had a say in this election. I voted for the candidate that was the best choice for me, in my opinion. And that's the beautiful thing about opinions, people have all different ones! I don't understand why some people get upset or threatened by the fact that someone else thinks differently than them. It's a wonderful thing, not a scary thing. You just have to be open to new ideas and ways of thinking. Usually, the only way to learn about new ideas is to close your mouth and listen, which I think some people need to master first. Baby steps.
I haven't posted on any social networking sites who I voted for. I don't like conflict, confrontation or arguing, which I thought it would only start. Sad, isn't it? But I don't mind saying it here, because this blog is much more personal. I voted for President Barack Obama. And I'm so glad I picked the candidate that was the best choice for me and in my opinion, for this country. I had my own reasons for voting for him, but I'm not going to go into detail here. I will continue to pray for him, his family and the leaders of our country. I can only hope that others will do the same. Congratulations President Obama on four more years.
~God, please give me patience and understanding when others talk about the election. Help me to be positive throughout the negativity. Help me to give others the same grace that You give me every day. You are in control, even when everything seems out of control. Even when people speak with hate instead of love. Help me to turn to You. You have this all under control, I know it. Amen~
Side note: my heart is so happy for the LGBT community. Marriage equality has been legalized in Maine and Maryland now. And this is the first time this has happened via ballot. Makes me very happy, indeed.
And at least the political campaign ads are over for now. That makes me very happy too.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Slowing Down
This week has been...slow. Slower than usual. I would even call it...sleepy. It's been a slow, sleepy week. And not by my choice.
I feel like ever since I got back at school on Sunday, God's been trying to tell me to slow down. To ease up a little. To take a deep breath. I've gotten lots of hints from Him. And being the stubborn person that I am, naturally, I resisted.
It all started Saturday night, actually. When I was at the symphony with my mom. There I was, sitting in a comfortable chair listening to some beautiful music. Everything was fine. As soon as it ended I stood up to give the performers a standing ovation...when it hit me. Pain seared through my knees. I didn't know what was happening, I'd never felt this pain before, I'd never had any trouble whatsoever with my knees. Yes, I had just run a 10k that day. But I've run 6 miles multiple times here in Harrisonburg on some steep hills. If anything, that should have made my knees hurt. But no. This pain decided to come 12 hours after I finished my race when I stood up at the end of a Symphony performance. And I had no idea why. And I still had to walk to the car, which was quite terrible to be honest. I felt so bad for my mom. It was cold and raining that night (of course we forgot the umbrella) and normally we would speed walk to the car, but I could barely keep a slow pace.
I felt no pain as long as I wasn't standing or putting any pressure on my knees. This pain persisted for a few days and gradually subsided.
Hint #1: Sarah, you need to slow down.
Unless someone has been living under a rock, I think they know about Hurricane Sandy. Or is it Tropical Storm Sandy? Anyways, it was a very big storm. The big storm that made me come back to school a day earlier than planned. It's safe to say, I was not very happy about this. I had a plan and that plan was to stay at home Sunday, carve pumpkins, and spend time with my family. I got a text from my dad that morning saying I might want to consider leaving for school soon before the storm got really bad. It made my heart sink. My perfectly lazy Sunday plans crumbled. They were replaced with rushing around the house gathering everything up and only a few brief minutes to say goodbye to my dad. It wasn't ideal. And I didn't handle it in the best way at all. When things or plans change very suddenly, I have a tendency to freak out. And I did. And unfortunately my mom had to deal with me like that, which she doesn't need at all.
But she did, and I love her for it. She drove me back to school and as much as I hate to admit it, it was a smart move. The storm did get pretty bad at home and leaving on Monday would have been much worse. And by leaving on Sunday I had much more time to spend with my mom. She took me to order my new phone, get curtains and go grocery shopping. Which I wouldn't have had time for later.
Hint #2: Sarah, you need to ease up a little. Maybe more than a little.
Of course after the perfect weekend I spent at home, I had to come back to the reality of classes. I spent the majority of Sunday evening going over everything I needed to do for the week. As the list got longer, my anxiety and worry grew as well. And the crushing realization that I had a lot to do. My worry grew and grew until I just sat there. Because I didn't even know where to begin. I just let it all overwhelm me for a few seconds. Then, what do you know, BING! New email. James Madison University will be closed on Monday due to the threat of severe weather (or something like that). Initially, I wasn't very happy about this because I knew it meant making up class on Saturday. But then I let it soak in that I didn't have classes the next day and slowly unbuckled the burdens on my back. What a relief. I could relax.
Hint #3: Sarah, you need to take a deep breath.
You'd think I'd finally be getting all these hints by now. On top of everything else, I've been completely exhausted this whole week. I know most college students are usually tired, but it's been excessive this week. It's been a struggle to get out of bed, which I normally have no problem doing. It seemed that no matter how much I slept, I was still tired. No matter how much coffee I drank, I could not fully wake up. And that never happens.
Hint #4: Sarah, you need to rest.
These hints seem so obvious in hindsight. But trust me, they weren't so obvious at the time. That's why it took four of them. Probably more subtle hints I'm not even aware of. But I finally got it. I needed to slow down, ease up, take a few deep breaths and just rest. I'd been going at such a high speed for so long that I needed to take some time. God knew this even when I didn't.
So I took some time to rest. And I mean, really rest. In all aspects of the word. I rested physically, mentally, and spiritually on the day off from classes. I rested in Him, which is exactly what He wanted all along. It just took some time for me to figure it out.
So whether it's random pain in your knee, having your plans thrown off course, stressing out about something you can't control, or complete and utter exhaustion - maybe it's a hint.
Slow down.
Ease up.
Take a deep breath.
Rest.
I used to think resting meant I was weak. It meant I couldn't handle something. But I think resting actually indicates strength. It means you're strong enough to give everything over to God. It means you're strong enough to give over your control to the One who has complete control. It's allowing yourself to surrender to Him, which is no easy task. And it's something I still struggle with. Resting isn't a bad thing, it's a beautiful thing.
Here's a song I love that really describes my week and how difficult it is to rest sometimes. It's perfect, really.
Audrey Assad - Lament
To end, one of the originals plans I had was to carve pumpkins with my family like I do every year. And since that didn't happen this year, I brought the pumpkins we bought up to school with me. I carved them with my roommate on Halloween and we had a blast! It was bittersweet to not carve them with my family, but I'm so glad I could have a great time carving them with one of my best friends.
Here's our masterpieces!
And if you need a good laugh, here's a hilarious video I found about Ellen DeGeneres scaring people on her show. You'd think she would run out of giant animal costumes. My favorites were Taylor Swift and Dennis Quaid!
Ellen's Scare Montage
Happy late Halloween! And it's November now! Too early to break out the Christmas music? I think not! Josh Groban and Michael Bublé Christmas CD's here I come...
I feel like ever since I got back at school on Sunday, God's been trying to tell me to slow down. To ease up a little. To take a deep breath. I've gotten lots of hints from Him. And being the stubborn person that I am, naturally, I resisted.
It all started Saturday night, actually. When I was at the symphony with my mom. There I was, sitting in a comfortable chair listening to some beautiful music. Everything was fine. As soon as it ended I stood up to give the performers a standing ovation...when it hit me. Pain seared through my knees. I didn't know what was happening, I'd never felt this pain before, I'd never had any trouble whatsoever with my knees. Yes, I had just run a 10k that day. But I've run 6 miles multiple times here in Harrisonburg on some steep hills. If anything, that should have made my knees hurt. But no. This pain decided to come 12 hours after I finished my race when I stood up at the end of a Symphony performance. And I had no idea why. And I still had to walk to the car, which was quite terrible to be honest. I felt so bad for my mom. It was cold and raining that night (of course we forgot the umbrella) and normally we would speed walk to the car, but I could barely keep a slow pace.
I felt no pain as long as I wasn't standing or putting any pressure on my knees. This pain persisted for a few days and gradually subsided.
Hint #1: Sarah, you need to slow down.
Unless someone has been living under a rock, I think they know about Hurricane Sandy. Or is it Tropical Storm Sandy? Anyways, it was a very big storm. The big storm that made me come back to school a day earlier than planned. It's safe to say, I was not very happy about this. I had a plan and that plan was to stay at home Sunday, carve pumpkins, and spend time with my family. I got a text from my dad that morning saying I might want to consider leaving for school soon before the storm got really bad. It made my heart sink. My perfectly lazy Sunday plans crumbled. They were replaced with rushing around the house gathering everything up and only a few brief minutes to say goodbye to my dad. It wasn't ideal. And I didn't handle it in the best way at all. When things or plans change very suddenly, I have a tendency to freak out. And I did. And unfortunately my mom had to deal with me like that, which she doesn't need at all.
But she did, and I love her for it. She drove me back to school and as much as I hate to admit it, it was a smart move. The storm did get pretty bad at home and leaving on Monday would have been much worse. And by leaving on Sunday I had much more time to spend with my mom. She took me to order my new phone, get curtains and go grocery shopping. Which I wouldn't have had time for later.
Hint #2: Sarah, you need to ease up a little. Maybe more than a little.
Of course after the perfect weekend I spent at home, I had to come back to the reality of classes. I spent the majority of Sunday evening going over everything I needed to do for the week. As the list got longer, my anxiety and worry grew as well. And the crushing realization that I had a lot to do. My worry grew and grew until I just sat there. Because I didn't even know where to begin. I just let it all overwhelm me for a few seconds. Then, what do you know, BING! New email. James Madison University will be closed on Monday due to the threat of severe weather (or something like that). Initially, I wasn't very happy about this because I knew it meant making up class on Saturday. But then I let it soak in that I didn't have classes the next day and slowly unbuckled the burdens on my back. What a relief. I could relax.
Hint #3: Sarah, you need to take a deep breath.
You'd think I'd finally be getting all these hints by now. On top of everything else, I've been completely exhausted this whole week. I know most college students are usually tired, but it's been excessive this week. It's been a struggle to get out of bed, which I normally have no problem doing. It seemed that no matter how much I slept, I was still tired. No matter how much coffee I drank, I could not fully wake up. And that never happens.
Hint #4: Sarah, you need to rest.
These hints seem so obvious in hindsight. But trust me, they weren't so obvious at the time. That's why it took four of them. Probably more subtle hints I'm not even aware of. But I finally got it. I needed to slow down, ease up, take a few deep breaths and just rest. I'd been going at such a high speed for so long that I needed to take some time. God knew this even when I didn't.
So I took some time to rest. And I mean, really rest. In all aspects of the word. I rested physically, mentally, and spiritually on the day off from classes. I rested in Him, which is exactly what He wanted all along. It just took some time for me to figure it out.
So whether it's random pain in your knee, having your plans thrown off course, stressing out about something you can't control, or complete and utter exhaustion - maybe it's a hint.
Slow down.
Ease up.
Take a deep breath.
Rest.
I used to think resting meant I was weak. It meant I couldn't handle something. But I think resting actually indicates strength. It means you're strong enough to give everything over to God. It means you're strong enough to give over your control to the One who has complete control. It's allowing yourself to surrender to Him, which is no easy task. And it's something I still struggle with. Resting isn't a bad thing, it's a beautiful thing.
Here's a song I love that really describes my week and how difficult it is to rest sometimes. It's perfect, really.
Audrey Assad - Lament
To end, one of the originals plans I had was to carve pumpkins with my family like I do every year. And since that didn't happen this year, I brought the pumpkins we bought up to school with me. I carved them with my roommate on Halloween and we had a blast! It was bittersweet to not carve them with my family, but I'm so glad I could have a great time carving them with one of my best friends.
Here's our masterpieces!
Ellen's Scare Montage
Happy late Halloween! And it's November now! Too early to break out the Christmas music? I think not! Josh Groban and Michael Bublé Christmas CD's here I come...
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