I feel like ever since I got back at school on Sunday, God's been trying to tell me to slow down. To ease up a little. To take a deep breath. I've gotten lots of hints from Him. And being the stubborn person that I am, naturally, I resisted.
It all started Saturday night, actually. When I was at the symphony with my mom. There I was, sitting in a comfortable chair listening to some beautiful music. Everything was fine. As soon as it ended I stood up to give the performers a standing ovation...when it hit me. Pain seared through my knees. I didn't know what was happening, I'd never felt this pain before, I'd never had any trouble whatsoever with my knees. Yes, I had just run a 10k that day. But I've run 6 miles multiple times here in Harrisonburg on some steep hills. If anything, that should have made my knees hurt. But no. This pain decided to come 12 hours after I finished my race when I stood up at the end of a Symphony performance. And I had no idea why. And I still had to walk to the car, which was quite terrible to be honest. I felt so bad for my mom. It was cold and raining that night (of course we forgot the umbrella) and normally we would speed walk to the car, but I could barely keep a slow pace.
I felt no pain as long as I wasn't standing or putting any pressure on my knees. This pain persisted for a few days and gradually subsided.
Hint #1: Sarah, you need to slow down.
Unless someone has been living under a rock, I think they know about Hurricane Sandy. Or is it Tropical Storm Sandy? Anyways, it was a very big storm. The big storm that made me come back to school a day earlier than planned. It's safe to say, I was not very happy about this. I had a plan and that plan was to stay at home Sunday, carve pumpkins, and spend time with my family. I got a text from my dad that morning saying I might want to consider leaving for school soon before the storm got really bad. It made my heart sink. My perfectly lazy Sunday plans crumbled. They were replaced with rushing around the house gathering everything up and only a few brief minutes to say goodbye to my dad. It wasn't ideal. And I didn't handle it in the best way at all. When things or plans change very suddenly, I have a tendency to freak out. And I did. And unfortunately my mom had to deal with me like that, which she doesn't need at all.
But she did, and I love her for it. She drove me back to school and as much as I hate to admit it, it was a smart move. The storm did get pretty bad at home and leaving on Monday would have been much worse. And by leaving on Sunday I had much more time to spend with my mom. She took me to order my new phone, get curtains and go grocery shopping. Which I wouldn't have had time for later.
Hint #2: Sarah, you need to ease up a little. Maybe more than a little.
Of course after the perfect weekend I spent at home, I had to come back to the reality of classes. I spent the majority of Sunday evening going over everything I needed to do for the week. As the list got longer, my anxiety and worry grew as well. And the crushing realization that I had a lot to do. My worry grew and grew until I just sat there. Because I didn't even know where to begin. I just let it all overwhelm me for a few seconds. Then, what do you know, BING! New email. James Madison University will be closed on Monday due to the threat of severe weather (or something like that). Initially, I wasn't very happy about this because I knew it meant making up class on Saturday. But then I let it soak in that I didn't have classes the next day and slowly unbuckled the burdens on my back. What a relief. I could relax.
Hint #3: Sarah, you need to take a deep breath.
You'd think I'd finally be getting all these hints by now. On top of everything else, I've been completely exhausted this whole week. I know most college students are usually tired, but it's been excessive this week. It's been a struggle to get out of bed, which I normally have no problem doing. It seemed that no matter how much I slept, I was still tired. No matter how much coffee I drank, I could not fully wake up. And that never happens.
Hint #4: Sarah, you need to rest.
These hints seem so obvious in hindsight. But trust me, they weren't so obvious at the time. That's why it took four of them. Probably more subtle hints I'm not even aware of. But I finally got it. I needed to slow down, ease up, take a few deep breaths and just rest. I'd been going at such a high speed for so long that I needed to take some time. God knew this even when I didn't.
So I took some time to rest. And I mean, really rest. In all aspects of the word. I rested physically, mentally, and spiritually on the day off from classes. I rested in Him, which is exactly what He wanted all along. It just took some time for me to figure it out.
So whether it's random pain in your knee, having your plans thrown off course, stressing out about something you can't control, or complete and utter exhaustion - maybe it's a hint.
Slow down.
Ease up.
Take a deep breath.
Rest.
I used to think resting meant I was weak. It meant I couldn't handle something. But I think resting actually indicates strength. It means you're strong enough to give everything over to God. It means you're strong enough to give over your control to the One who has complete control. It's allowing yourself to surrender to Him, which is no easy task. And it's something I still struggle with. Resting isn't a bad thing, it's a beautiful thing.
Here's a song I love that really describes my week and how difficult it is to rest sometimes. It's perfect, really.
Audrey Assad - Lament
To end, one of the originals plans I had was to carve pumpkins with my family like I do every year. And since that didn't happen this year, I brought the pumpkins we bought up to school with me. I carved them with my roommate on Halloween and we had a blast! It was bittersweet to not carve them with my family, but I'm so glad I could have a great time carving them with one of my best friends.
Here's our masterpieces!
Ellen's Scare Montage
Happy late Halloween! And it's November now! Too early to break out the Christmas music? I think not! Josh Groban and Michael Bublé Christmas CD's here I come...
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